


smells like teen love

by serrated (asymmetric)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Amortentia, Demisexual Phil, Dragons, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 19:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6437905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asymmetric/pseuds/serrated
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which Dan is stupid and thinks their Amortentia potion smells like Phil to him because they made it wrong</p><p>feat. gay panic, incredible sap, and a MONSTROUS CREATURE</p>
            </blockquote>





	smells like teen love

**Author's Note:**

> *gazes into the distance* why did i do this
> 
> well, i know why! elecocochoco on tumblr made [this horrible text post](http://elecocochoco.tumblr.com/post/142089214433/if-dan-ever-got-to-smell-amortentia-would-it-smell) and i was like lol i kinda want to write a drabble for that but i won't cause i don't have that time in my life
> 
> sike
> 
> apologies for everything you are about to read. also i totally fictionalized some extra things about amortentia so deal with it. everyone is miraculously the same age so that they are all in seventh year together and i handwaved who is in what house because it's not important to the fic. also, i know they learned about this potion in sixth year but slughorn changed the curriculum. i don't know

It took Dan a really long time to get it, considering.

“This doesn't smell like anything,” he said, straightening back up. “I think we've made it wrong.”

Phil's face fell. There was a black streak of something high on his cheekbone, and his hair was sticking straight up.

“Really?” He bent over the cauldron himself and took a deep sniff. “I mean, it smells like something. I think.”

“It just smells like us because we've been hovering over it and sweating into it,” Dan said bitterly. They'd been slaving away for the whole lesson and had nothing to show for it now. So much for being “advanced” enough for Advanced Potions. PJ, on the other side of the room, had managed to make two potions already and was amusing himself by transforming his cauldron into different monster shapes. Dan hated him.

“Hey!” Phil said. “Speak for yourself. There's definitely more of your sweat in there than mine. It actually kind of reeks.”

“That is not true,” Dan said. “What did you do, spill your shampoo in the potion when I wasn't looking?”

He'd just grabbed the potions book to try and find where they'd gone wrong when the Professor slunk up to their end of the table.

“And what do you two have to show for today?” he asked.

“Um,” said Dan.

“Well,” said Phil. “Well, we—”

Slughorn was already stooping over their failed potion, inhaling deeply, and Dan prepared himself for the imminent judgement.

“Oh, yes,” Slughorn purred. He took another breath and then sighed, his wide face creasing up into a blissful smile. “Oh, yes, that's quite nice.”

Dan turned to share a confused look with Phil—was Slughorn attracted to the scent of Phil's sweat?—but Phil had gone vaguely stiff and white, like he'd just seen Nearly Headless Nick re-decapitate himself for the amusement of a first-year.

“It is?” said Dan. “We thought we'd kind of...messed it up, I mean I don't...I don't really smell anything.”

“Well, it's not perfectly made,” Slughorn said. “The scent is a bit weaker than it should be and isn't very entrancing unless one gets quite close. But it's certainly doing the job.” He straightened and gave Dan a funny look, like he was attempting to display an emotion. “Of course, Amortentia's powers have little to no effect on aromantic and sometimes asexual individuals—there has not been enough research into it yet to say for sure, but.”

He made as if to clap a hand on Dan's shoulder, then turned it into a wave halfway through.

“Regardless, it's definitely a passable attempt at the potion first time,” he said. “Good work, gentlemen. Although you can try again, I would certainly accept that.”

He swanned off, leaving Dan and Phil in an awkward silence. Dan's stomach felt very cold.

“Let's just bottle it up,” Phil said.

“Yes, let's,” Dan said.

****

Dan knew he wasn't aromantic or asexual. He hadn't had very many successful relationships—mostly because they always said he wasn't “invested enough” and that his “thoughts were with someone else” (which totally wasn't cryptic at ALL)—but he'd dated enough to know that he experienced romantic and sexual attraction to people. So maybe he just didn't lean close enough to the potion to smell it properly.

Phil, though. What if Phil was ace or aro?

Dan was irritated by the thought, and irritated that he was irritated. He spent the rest of the day glaring at his desk in class and ignoring Phil (who was conveniently ignoring him as well), and wondering if he'd suddenly turned into a bigot. It was none of his business whether Phil wanted to have sex or date people. One of Dan's girlfriends had been ace, and it had been one of the better of his failed relationships.

But Dan was Phil's best friend. He deserved to know about this stuff. He was trustworthy.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” he said to Phil later, in the Great Hall over their pumpkin pasties. Phil choked on a spoonful of mashed potatoes, and by the time he stopped hacking up a lung, Dan had forgotten what he was angling for.

“What?” said Phil. He'd gone all red, and he looked stupid. Dan kind of loved it.

“Nothing,” said Dan.

He had a strange, sinking feeling.

****

Three days later, Dan fell out of a dream and his bed, right into a horrible realization. Also, the floor.

“Oh, God,” he said, staring up at the dark ceiling.

The potion _had_ smelled like something—it's just that it had smelled like Phil, like his hair and the soft undersides of his arms and the after scent of how he did the clothes-cleaning spell. Dan had thought it was because Phil was right there, right next to him like he always was, but it had been too strong for that, too clear when he bent in close to the cauldron.

This was much worse than he'd thought.

****

Dan weathered his gay crisis through mild panic attacks in the toilets the following day. Every time Phil looked at him, he thought he was going to explode. When Phil touched his shoulder at breakfast, Dan almost threw a plate of eggs in his face in shock.

At least he knew now why he was bothered by the idea that Phil might be aromantic. That fact made Dan even less of a romantic option than he'd already been. His chances with Phil were in the negatives instead of just at zero. It made sense too—throughout their friendship, Phil had never had any relationships that went beyond a couple dates. Dan had never really questioned it, because what mattered was him and Phil being friends. Phil's lack of relationships was always a good thing; it meant Phil's attention was on Dan, where it should be.

God, it should not have taken him this long to get it.

In their next Potions lesson, Dan sat next to PJ, just on the off-chance that they had to make Amortentia again. He spent the whole class watching Phil and Louise in the corner where they were fussing over Louise's cauldron, and he didn't even notice when PJ birthed some sort of horrible creature from the depths of their potion.

After the Potions room was evacuated, and someone had taken off to call Hagrid to deal with the screeching behemoth oozing slime out from under the door, Phil pulled Dan aside.

“Are you ignoring me?” he asked quietly.

“No,” said Dan. “No! Obviously not. I just wanted to help PJ destroy the classroom. And my chances at getting a good grade.”

Phil looked miserable. Dan had known him for seven years now, since they were tiny first years with matching fringes, and he'd never seen Phil quite like this.

“I'm sorry, okay?” Phil said. “I just want things to get back to normal. You can keep pretending you don't know, just as long as you stay my friend.”

“Whoa, Phil,” Dan said. “I wouldn't—just because you're—”

He swallowed hard and placed a hand on Phil's shoulder. Even just the shape of his shoulder under his robes felt like the best thing on the entire planet, which was incredibly unfair.

“I don't care,” Dan said. “It's all cool with me.”

Something shattered in the Potions room, and everyone gasped. A faint smoke started seeping out from under the door in spirals, spreading through the crowd.

“The Amortentia potions!” Slughorn groaned, in a weirdly orgasmic sounding voice. “I was saving those to grade!”

It hit like a wave, and it was everything at once; not just the everyday smells of Phil, but the wet smell of him after he'd fallen into the lake when they first met, crossing the lake as first years and Dan pulling him out of the water; the smell of grass imprinted on back of Phil's neck from countless days when they sprawled out behind the castle and talked about wizard aliens taking over the world; the smell of Phil's palm clapped over Dan's mouth when they skipped class in fourth year and almost got caught, crammed together in a third floor broom closet. He caught whiffs of other scents—dentist offices and leather and new electronics straight out of the box—but mostly it was Phil, all of him.

Phil made a tiny noise, and Dan realized he'd tightened his grip on Phil's shoulder, pulling him closer. Dan let go abruptly, blinking hard. Phil was—Phil was staring at him, mouth open, gulping in breaths.

“What do you smell?” Dan asked, because he was a masochistic dick and needed to confirm that it was nothing, that Amortentia didn't do anything for Phil because romance didn't.

“That's not fair, Dan,” Phil said quietly.

“What?” Dan said. Phil looked angry, for some weird reason. “What isn't fair?”

He could barely breathe, the potion was so thick in the air. He was a bit afraid he was going to pop a boner. Slughorn was starting to herd students out into another corridor, but Dan was rooted to the spot, unable to look away from Phil's face.

“If you're going to be a dick about it, then I'm not sticking around,” Phil said.

He went to push past Dan, and Dan caught his arm again. The Amortentia was tinting the air a light pink, and god, Phil looked good in blush tones.

“You never swear,” Dan said stupidly. It wasn't exactly true, but Phil usually tried to keep it clean because he was weirdly beloved among the lower years of his house and wanted to protect their ears.

“Dan,” said Phil, looking tired suddenly. “Let me go.”

“I don't care if you're aromantic,” Dan said. “I just care that you didn't tell me.”

Phil blinked. “What?”

Dan could hear Slughorn calling their names distantly, saying something about “fumes” and “dangerous consequences”, but he couldn't focus on anything past Phil and the thrum through his own body.

“What?” said Phil again, and somehow he'd twisted and stepped closer, and it was him holding Dan's arms now, and Dan felt a bit faint because sure, they touched each other like normal friends, but not with clouds of basically sex pollen spiraling around them, not like this, Phil's hands searing on his biceps and his intense eyes fixed on Dan's.

 _Woo boy_ , Dan thought, and the last of his gay panic went swirling away—it couldn't stand up in the face of how fucking obvious it should've been that he'd loved Phil for years now.

“I'm not aromantic,” Phil said.

“It's perfectly okay if you are, Phil, it doesn't make you any less—”

“I know that, but I'm demisexual, okay, not aro!”

“Oh,” said Dan. He hadn't factored that one into his guesses, and now he felt a little stupid. “Whatever, you still should've told me.”

“I was still figuring it out!” Phil said. “Amortentia never smelled like much to me when I was younger, so I was starting to think it meant one thing, but then this time—” He took a deep gasp of the cloudy potion and swayed on his feet, his fingers pressing into Dan's arms. Dan was starting to curse the fact that he'd gotten dressed this morning, because his clothes were definitely in the way.

“You're the one who said you couldn't smell anything,” Phil said. “I thought you were—”

“Me? No, I—no, I can definitely smell it,” Dan said helplessly. He was sagging forward, his whole body trying to get nearer to Phil.

“Then you lied in class!” Phil said. “Were you trying to spare my feelings? Dan, I can't help it that it's you, okay, I won't mention it again!”

It took a moment for Phil's words to penetrate through the fever haze around Dan's brain, but then he was suddenly remembering.

 _There's definitely more of your sweat in there than mine,_ Phil had said when they were making the potion. _It actually kind of reeks._

“Ask me what it smells like to me,” Dan said, his heart pounding. “Phil, ask me.”

He fell in, their foreheads pressing together until Dan could see him properly through the smoke again. His hands were on Phil's face, thumbs bracing at his jaw.

“What does it smell like to you?” Phil said quietly.

The Potions door splintered open with a roar; a huge blur of man went streaking past Dan as Hagrid rounded the corner and threw himself excitedly into the Potions room; Dan kissed Phil.

There was possibly a battle to the death going on in the room right next to them, and all Dan cared about was that Phil was kissing back, pulling Dan close and slanting his mouth to coax Dan's open. Everything went shivery hot through Dan's body, and he couldn't stop himself from surging into the kiss, meeting Phil beat for beat. His pulse was thundering in his ears and he was sliding his hands up into Phil's hair, sucking Phil's tongue, letting Phil bite at his lips. It was nothing like a first kiss—more like they'd loved for years and had been apart and had only now just been reunited. Dan knew he was shaking stupidly, and couldn't bring himself to care at all.

“Shit,” said someone distantly.

“Oh my god, is that a dragon?” said someone else.

Phil pulled away, and Dan opened his eyes to register that the pink glow of Amortentia was gone, and that Phil was staring wide-eyed off to the left, reaching for his wand. Dan turned to look; there was a rush of sound, a flash of light, and then everything sort of disappeared.

****

Dan woke up next to Phil in the hospital wing two days later. They were sharing a bed; Phil was still asleep, looking completely fine except for a strange, golden tint at the tips of his fingers and the tops of his cheeks.

Madam Pomfrey filled Dan in while she fussed over performing a bunch of spells to assess how he was doing. Apparently PJ's creature had taken final shape as a weird, dragon-thing that no one had ever seen before, and when it drank some of the Amortentia, it had made it go a bit mad over all the students in the class. Cross-species use of Amortentia had a tendency to result in feelings of obsessive intent to murder, rather than romantic infatuation.

“They're saying you and your boyfriend here inadvertantly saved the class,” she said, looking vaguely suspicious. “True love and Amortentia do not mix—most of the potion was dissipated by your...display, and when the creature attempted to attack you, the aura you two were giving off served as an antidote, enough for it to be subdued.”

“Aura?” Dan asked, looking down at his hands to see that he was golden there as well.

“It'll stay for another couple of days before it wears off,” she said. “A side effect of being soaked in Amortentia fumes and your own love for each other.”

“Cool,” said Dan, feeling incredibly awkward. “So...so he does love me, then?”

She gave him a look. “Don't be an idiot.”

Phil woke up ten minutes later. He smiled when he saw Dan above him, and Dan's body went loose and hot in a way that had nothing to do with a potion.

“Hi,” Phil said. “Did we meet a dragon?”

Dan was laughing when Phil kissed him, and he pressed the answer into Phil's mouth over and over. 

"Yes. Yes, we did. We did, Phil."

****

PJ named the dragon “Phan”. She learned how to fly three weeks after she was born, and Dan and Phil lay on the grass behind the castle to watch her tumbling through the sky. It was hot, and Dan was roasting comfortably, tucked in against Phil's side.

Phil rubbed his face against Dan's hair and made a humming sound.

“You know,” he said slowly. “You reek.”

“You love it,” said Dan.

Phil smelled like sweat and grass and the faint, glittery dust coming off of PJ's dragon above. It was better than any love potion.


End file.
